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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The diagram illustrates how married people spend their time doing unpaid work per week in three different periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be easy to see that the number of
hours
Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 involved in housework, childcare and gardening had
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to be much more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
men
Use synonyms
's
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. As regards
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 without children, the average
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid work per week done by married
women
Use synonyms
 reached the bottom at 30
hours
Use synonyms
 which was nearly twice as much as
men
Use synonyms
's
hours
Use synonyms
. Moving to
having
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 1-2
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 time,
women
Use synonyms
's
hours
Use synonyms
 rocketed
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 over 50
hours
Use synonyms
 which increased by roughly 20
hours
Use synonyms
 compared with the first one.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 the number of
hours
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 taking over household duties seemed to be erratic at around 18
hours
Use synonyms
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the period with over three children, married
women
Use synonyms
 peaked at 55
hours
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for
Use synonyms
men's
Change noun form
men
show examples
 one which was at 15
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Household chores
  • Gender roles
  • Disparity
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural norms
  • Full-time housewives
  • Part-time jobs
  • Traditional responsibilities
  • Domestic roles
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