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Women will play an increasingly important role at workplace in future. But this may disturb their family lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#women #role #workplace #future #lives
It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 will play an increasingly important role
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
 in the future.
Although
 many
people
 argue that
this
 may disturb their family lives, I strongly disagree with
this
 argument. On the one hand, there are several reasons that the number of
women
,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 are occupying the job positions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing.
Firstly
, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proper and balanced education,
women
 improve their qualifications.
Thus
, they are able to do the same
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 as
men
 for many
work
 orders.
For example
, in the past, many positions
such
 as management positions were dedicated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
men
 only, but nowadays it is shared with both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 and in some cases
women
 outweigh the
men
.
Secondly
, many duties need
especial
Correct your spelling
special
show examples
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
 to carry out the task. Since
women
 are more patient than
men
, they can do the job more accurately.
Finally
, owing to human rights,
society
Add an article
a society
show examples
willing
Add a missing verb
is willing
show examples
 to give a balanced opportunity to
the
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apply
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both genders.
On the other hand
, traditionally,
women
work
 at and
men
work
 out of the house.
However
, many
men
 are still opposing
women
 to be a breadwinner, but in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, it should be shared between
men
 and
women
.
Moreover
, apart from delivering a child,
women
 have special abilities which cannot be found in
men
.
Secondly
, as
women
 have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to study and discover their abilities,
people
 in public soon realize that
women
 can have as many talents as
men
, and can do the job
as well as
men
.
Women’s
 ability to study and acquire academic knowledge is undeniably very good; they can be teachers, masters, or even professors.
Although
 many
people
 still consider
women’s
 place to be in the kitchen and house,
women’s
 appearances at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 and in business are now appreciated, because
women’s
 performances in daily
work
 have proved their ability; they can be good employees or intelligent bosses even in jobs previously for
men
. In short,
people
 are inclined not to consider others based on gender, but on talents, and task performances,
thus
women’s
 role in public and the workplace will be enhanced gradually in the future, as they
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
 as many talents as
men
 and can
work
 excellently as
men
.
Furthermore
,
women
 worldwide
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 protected under the law, and their rights are ensured; nobody can degrade their role without facing law-related punishments.
Submitted by ms13562003 on

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task response
Ensure that the main points are well-supported with adequate explanations and examples. Make sure to address all aspects of the task prompt in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices such as transition words and linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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