Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in improving a person's knowledge and experience? use specific reasons and details to support you answer

There has been an
accelarating
move faster
accelerating
trend of
pepple
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
taking part in extra-curricular activities
such
as
volunterring
tell voluntarily
volunteering
in
chatible
relating to or characterized by charity
charitable
events or becoming a dancer in some crew in order to gain more knowledge and experience. But there are others who simply focus
on on their goals
Suggestion
on their goals
through academic learning or work. From my perspective, participating in after-school activities helps broaden a person’s
horizen
the line at which the sky and Earth appear to meet
horizons
and experience. Without a doubt, extra-curricular activities play
significant role
Suggestion
a significant role
in our
life
Suggestion
lives
, we can achieve extraordinary value from it.
Aditionally
Suggestion
Additionally
, through these activities, lots of skill
such
as team spirit, teamwork,
co-operation
joint operation or action
cooperation
could be obtained.
Furthermore
, people are volunteering in
chatible
relating to or characterized by charity
charitable
events which help exposing their compassion, developing their event management skills. Some attend in seminars, increasing their communication skills, concentration power to diminish the stage fear.
On the other hand
, some sections of
population
Suggestion
the population
believe that
acdemic
associated with academia or an academy
academic
academics
studies and work should be focused to gain knowledge. Because they deem that other activities will distract us and keeps us away from our goals. It is certainly
true but
Accept comma addition
true, but
taking part
on
Suggestion
in
other activities is
also
crucial.
For instance
, academic learning
are
Suggestion
is
vital for
them but
Accept comma addition
them, but
social skills, which could be obtained through
nonscholastic
activities, are
also
needed for
brighter future
Suggestion
a brighter future
but they are not provided in schools. To illustrate, normally,
teacher
Suggestion
the teacher
a teacher
do not teach
Suggestion
does not teach
you how to lead a group of people or organize a charity event.
Additionally
, students can easily get bored
in
Suggestion
with
studying and these activities act as an
efficent
being effective without wasting time or effort or expense
efficient
stress reliever method. In conclusion, many skills are essential in order for one person to meet their goals, these skills can be achieved through various kinds of extra-curricular activities. As my perspective, participating in multi-occupation is better than focusing on learning only.
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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