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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pia charts bellow show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.

The pia charts bellow show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.
#pia #bellow #show #comparison #kinds #energy #production #france #two #years
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The two pie charts reveal the comparison of five types of stamina production in France in 1995 and in 2005.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that
both
Change preposition
in both
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of
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apply
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two
Correct article usage
the two
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 years, the most important production of intensity
resources
 were coal and gas, and they were
approximate
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approximately
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 half of the whole toughness
resources
,
while
 nuclear and
other type
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another type
other types
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 of toughness
resources
 produced the least proportions of vitality in France. If we look at the details, toughness was produced by coal in 29, 80% in the first year and that was a very slight increase of about only 1% to 30.9% in 2005 in France. And that event was the same in 1995 gas produced 29,63%, that was 30,1% after ten years.
Nevertheless
, another two types of stamina
resources
 which
is
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are
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 nuclear and other spiritual
resources
 increased
about
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by about
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to
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apply
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5% and their proportions of power suitably nuclear 10,10%,
while
 other
resources
 9,10%. But petrol was one of the sources of strength which decreased in production from 28,27% to 19, 55%, perspective in 1995 and in 2005.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words resources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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