IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pia charts bellow show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.

The pia charts bellow show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.
The two pie charts reveal the comparison of five types of stamina production in France in 1995 and in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 years, the most important production of intensity
resources
Use synonyms
 were coal and gas, and they were
approximate
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 half of the whole toughness
resources
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear and
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of toughness
resources
Use synonyms
 produced the least proportions of vitality in France. If we look at the details, toughness was produced by coal in 29, 80% in the first year and that was a very slight increase of about only 1% to 30.9% in 2005 in France. And that event was the same in 1995 gas produced 29,63%, that was 30,1% after ten years.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, another two types of stamina
resources
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 nuclear and other spiritual
resources
Use synonyms
 increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5% and their proportions of power suitably nuclear 10,10%,
while
Linking Words
 other
resources
Use synonyms
 9,10%. But petrol was one of the sources of strength which decreased in production from 28,27% to 19, 55%, perspective in 1995 and in 2005.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words resources with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: