IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree ? Which type of worker do you think should benefit from early retirement ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write atleast 250 words.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #worker #benefit #atleast
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According to a recent study
in
Suggestion
at
by
 University of Atlanta, it was depicted that some people have made a perception that a set
retirement
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age
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 of sixty-five is not fair irrespective of the professional. I
also
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 agree
to
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with
this
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 outcome of the research because
age
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 alone cannot be the deciding factor for setting up
retirement
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age
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 rather there are other factors
also
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 applicable which contributes to
this
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 decision.
First
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 of all, the major derivative is
type
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the type
 of profession a person is engaged in. There are different requirements for different kind of profession that can include
age
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, weight, stamina etc. If the person is not able to meet the desired
requirements
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requirements, then he
then
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 he
/
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she should be provided with an early
retirement
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, as it can impact the business outcome as well.
For example
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, the labourers working in a coal mine or in a chemical factory are exposed to some chemicals which has
harsh impact
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a harsh impact
 on an individual who has crossed the fifty mark of his
/
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her
age
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. Another important factor is the person’s own traits. Apart from business requirements, there are some personal standards
/
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criteria which an individual should be provided with to depict the
retirement
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age
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. These standards
includes
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are included
, health, willingness to learn and work etc.
For example
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, an employee who has worked in an organisation for 25 years and is currently at 52 years of his life lifespan and wants to adopt early
retirement
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, because his body does not allow to work as he is diagnosed with Tuberculosis. The employee in
this
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 case should be given the option of early retirements. To conclude, I would say that the workers who have crossed a certain
age
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 limit or is physically
/
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mentally unwell to continue or who is not willing to work anymore in his life or who does not meet the business requirement should benefit from early
retirement
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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