IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime #summarise #information #features #comparisons
According to
this
 graph, the number of men and women in
further
education
 in Britain shows
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following style. In the case of males, the number of males
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased from about 100
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1970/1971 to about 850
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1990/1991.
However
,
this
figure
 rises back to about 850
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1990/1991 from about 820
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1980/1981. The proportion of full-time
education
 has decreased during
this
 period.
However
, the proportion of part-time
education
 has increased dramatically.
On the other hand
, in the case of females, the number of both full-time
education
 and part-time
education
 has increased during the period. From about 700
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1970/1971, these figures rose to about 820
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1980/1981, to about 1100
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1990/1991. In terms of full-time
education
,
this
figure
 rises by about 260 to about 900 in 1990/1991.
On the other hand
, with respect to part-time
education
,
this
figure
 raised a lot between 1980/1981 and 1970/1971.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
this
figure
 rises
Correct article usage
a
show examples
little bit between 1980/1981 and 1990/1991.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, thousands, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 9 times.
▼

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