IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000. Write a report for a lecturer describing the information in the graphs.

The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000. Write a report for a lecturer describing the information in the graphs.
#two #graphs #show #percentage #smokers #consumption #alcohol #litres #countries #period #report #lecturer #information
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two graphs below show the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
 and the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 in litres in selected
countries
Use synonyms
, for the period 1960-2000. Summarize the information by choosing and reporting the key features, and make any relevant comparisons. The two graphs represent comparisons
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in the population every day in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Holland
Correct word choice
and Holland
show examples
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in
liters
Change the spelling
litres
show examples
 per
person
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
Turkey
Use synonyms
,
Holland
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 from 1960 to 2000.As can be seen from the first graph, 3
countries
Use synonyms
 of the survey indicated a downward trend in
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
 from 1960 to 2000.
Holland
Use synonyms
 revealed the highest
level
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 stood the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
. In 1960,
Holland
Use synonyms
 represented 59% of
smokers
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 represented 40% and in 2000
Holland
Use synonyms
 showed 32% of
smokers
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 indicated 19%. From 1960 to 1970, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Holland
Use synonyms
smokers
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged at 59% during which
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
USA
Use synonyms
 dropped very slightly from 49% to 48% and from 40% to 39% respectively.
Holland
Use synonyms
 represented a dramatic change during
1970s
Change the article
the 1970s
show examples
 when its smoker
percentage
Use synonyms
 slumped sharply from 59% to 44%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 1970 and 1980. From 1980 to 2000,
Holland
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 seemed
decline
Fix the infinitive
to decline
show examples
 slowly at the same
level
Use synonyms
. The gaps
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 between
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
seemed
Add the particle
toseemed
show examples
 stay unchanged
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 10-12% from 1960 to 2000. It can be clear from the
second
Linking Words
 graph that 3
countries
Use synonyms
 rose up to the peak of
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Holland
Use synonyms
 represented the highest
level
Use synonyms
 of 11. 3
lirters
Correct your spelling
litres
litters
/
person
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Turkey
Use synonyms
 represented the
second
Linking Words
 and the
third
Linking Words
 at 10. 1 and 1. 9
lirters
Correct your spelling
litres
litters
/
person
Use synonyms
 respectively in 1980.
Holland
Use synonyms
 revealed a dominant increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others showed a gradual one from 1960 to 1980. During
this
Linking Words
 time,
Holland
Use synonyms
 shot up from 3. 9 litres/
person
Use synonyms
 in 1960 to the peak of 11. 3% in 1980. If
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 showed the highest
level
Use synonyms
 of
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 1960 ,
Holland
Use synonyms
 prevailed above 3
countries
Use synonyms
 from 1980
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 2000.
Turkey
Use synonyms
 reveals the lowest
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 when it represented the significant gaps among the others. Especially the graph showed the
gaps
Fix the agreement mistake
gap
show examples
 of 9. 4 litres/
person
Use synonyms
 between
Turkey
Use synonyms
 and
Holland
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the pinnacle of 1980.
Submitted by phamnhatminh01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second, while".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, smokers, consumption, alcohol, countries, usa, japan, holland, person, turkey, level with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "comparisons" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: