IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Pie chart shows electricity production by fuel Source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000

Pie chart shows electricity production by fuel Source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000
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The above pie charts display how much
electricity
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consumed
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was consumed
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 from various fuels produced by Australia and France during 1980 and 2000. The
electricity
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 consumption is quantified in
units
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most widely consumed
source
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for
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of
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electricity
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 in Australia was coal in 1980 and 2000,
whereas
Linking Words
 in France coal and natural
gas
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 together as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 maximum
source
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 for the
production
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 of
electricity
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 in 1980 but nuclear power became the most significant
source
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 of
electricity
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 generation in 2000. In Australia, out of 100
units
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 of
production
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 in the year 1980, coal accounted for half of the
electricity
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 produced (50
units
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). meanwhile, natural
gas
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 and hydropower contributed 40units of
electricity
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 being produced,
while
Linking Words
oil
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 made the least
source
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electricity
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of electricity
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 by the year, 2000 coal had become the main
source
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 of
electricity
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 for almost 75 per cent of the total
production
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 (130
units
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).
while
Linking Words
 hydropower contributed only
significant
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significantly
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 with almost 20 per cent of its share (36
units
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).The other two sources (
oil
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 and natural
gas
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) made an insignificant contribution (only 2
units
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 each)
On the other hand
Linking Words
, During 1980 in
the
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apply
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France, coal and natural
gas
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 derived half of the total
electricity
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production
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 of its whole (25
units
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 each)
whereas
Linking Words
, a significant amount merely less than
a
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apply
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half of the whole contributed by
oil
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 and nuclear power (20
units
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 and 15
units
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)and hydropower contributed a share of only 5
units
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. By 2000, a significant majority of
share
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the share
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 is nuclear power was utilised a maximum of 126
units
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.
While
Linking Words
 coal and
oil
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 together produced only 50
units
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 and the other two sources remained relatively insignificant.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, units, source, gas, production, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 6 times.
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