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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the chart below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The following pie chart
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the proportion of
water
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 used for different needs namely :
industry
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,
agriculture
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, and domestic
use
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 in six
regions
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 of the world.
Water
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 usage varies a lot across
regions
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in North
America
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 and
Europe
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,
zater
Correct your spelling
water
later
 is mainly used for
industry
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while
Linking Words
 in
Africa
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, South East
Asia
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, Central
Asia
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 and South
America
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water
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 is mainly used for
agriculture
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. In
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Europe
Add a comma
,Europe
show examples
 53% of
water
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 is used for
industry
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, North
America
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 uses 5% less
water
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 compared
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
industry
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. But North
America
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 uses more
water
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 than
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europe
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Europe
show examples
 for
agriculture
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zhich
Correct your spelling
which
 each amount
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
39% and 32% respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the domestic
use
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 of
water
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 is slightly different in these two
regions
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 where North
America
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use
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 13%
zhich
Correct your spelling
which
 is 2% lesser than that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe
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. Contrarily, in South
America
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,
Africa
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, Central
Asia
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 and South East
Asia
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, at least 71% of
water
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 is used for
agriculture
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.
While
Linking Words
 South
America
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 used 19% of
water
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 for domestic
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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,
Africa
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, Central
Asia
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 and South East
Asia
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 used no more than 9% of the
water
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 for the same
use
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.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 industrial
use
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 of
water
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 varies a lot across these four
regions
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 precisely 5% for Central
Asia
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, 7% for
Africa
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, 10% for South
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america
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America
show examples
, and 12%
South
Change preposition
for South
show examples
 East
Asia
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry, agriculture, use, regions, america, europe, africa, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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