IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.
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Date
Correct article usage
The date
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 regarding the number of tourists who visited four various places in Brighton attractions over a three-decade is a main illustration of the given
line
Use synonyms
 graph. Generally, it is worth
to note
Change the verb form
noting
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 that Art Gallery witnessed an enormous upward trend
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
line
Add an article
the line
a line
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 of
Festival
Correct article usage
the Festival
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 dipped slightly. Another interesting point is that Festival was
at
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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dominance
Replace the word
dominant
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 over the other positions at the beginning yet, by the end, it had been surpassed by Pavilion. Looking into details,
as for
Change preposition
apply
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Pavilion taking started at almost a quarter after which the index increased gradually to roughly
Use synonyms
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
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third
Linking Words
 in 1985.
Then
Linking Words
 the rate experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
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significant growth and peaked at just under a half in 1995. In spite of declining steeply in 2000, the
line
Use synonyms
 of Pavilion finished at nearly
one
Use synonyms
third
Linking Words
 by a minimal downward trend. If we look at
Festival
Correct article usage
the Festival
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, the trend dipped moderately to roughly
one
Use synonyms
 quarter in 1995
after
Correct word choice
and after
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 a
while
Linking Words
 there was
small
Add an article
a small
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 rise in 2000.
Last
Linking Words
 decade the
line
Use synonyms
 plateaued at around 30%. Despite starting the period with just over
Use synonyms
one fifths
Add a hyphen
one-fifths
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 and exactly 10%, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
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 Art Gallery and Pier went up substantially to approximately 38% and 15% respectively. Having climbed slightly from 1990 and 1995, both figures faced a minimal reduction until 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
, Art Gallery and Pier finished at different stages about 10% and roughly 20% correspondingly.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "third".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dipped" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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