IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some of the people believe that video games are useful for children while others say these games have harmful effects. Discuss both views

#people #video #games #children #effects
In today’s
world it
Accept comma addition
world, it
 is true that many youngsters are interested in playing
video
 games.
Although
 some aspects of
computer
 games could be beneficial for children, other sides of these games are harmful. Some of the people believe that there are several reasons why
video
 games are not suitable for young ages. There are various types of game which can addict the children.
First
 introduced in many years ago
by
Suggestion
with
 the development of electrical devices, it appears that vast number of children prefer to stay at home for playing
video
 games rather than practicing physical activities
such
 as football and swimming.
In addition
, one of the main problems with internal
computer
 games is that children suffer from physical and mental disorders.
For instance
, sedentary in
house
Suggestion
the house
a house
 can cause scoliosis among youngsters who are under age five.
Furthermore some
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, some
 of the students lose their concentrations which
is
Suggestion
are
 unprecedented.
Moreover
, specialists state that one-way communication with screen leads to depression and
sense
Suggestion
a sense
 of loneliness. There are other groups of people argue that
video
 games have positive consequences for their children. They claim that juveniles without any sibling who are alone
in
Suggestion
at
 home can be amused
by
Suggestion
with
 the help
computer
 games. The parents of
these
denotes a person or thing
this
 age group have not sufficient time for them because of their occupations.
Moreover
, despite the fact that children can learn destructive
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
 from games, it seems that in some cases these virtual plays prevent users from terrible actions by providing
unreal atmosphere
Suggestion
an unreal atmosphere
the unreal atmosphere
 in which players can experience the incidences that are dangerous in
real world
Suggestion
the real world
. In conclusion, for reasons mentioned above, I believe that
computer
 games can be both useful and harmful. It depends on the families and users to decide about how to use them.
Submitted by arya javanmardi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: