IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

‘We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company.’ How far do you support this idea? Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

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The issue of
equality
Use synonyms
 for men and women at work is still widely debated, despite the extensive
legislation
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 that now exists in many countries. Personally, I do not feel that imposing a numerical target for gender is a sensible idea, and I will explain why.
Firstly
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, we have to consider whether equal numbers of men and women really wish to do every job which is available.
For example
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, few women wish to be airline pilots, and only a minority of school teachers are male. If we impose a law on airlines or schools, where will they find the people to fill these posts willingly?
Furthermore
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, there is the huge issue of the existing workforce. Would it be right to dismiss a worker because he or she is of a certain gender, in order to create a statistically perfect balance? The effects would be disastrous for many hard-working people.
Finally
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, I believe we should find ways to encourage
equality
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 of opportunity through support and guidance, rather than top-down
legislation
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.
For instance
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, improved child care facilities and subsidies would probably encourage more women into parts of the workforce which may currently be difficult to enter. I do understand the opposing view, which is that
legislation
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 is the quickest and most effective way to achieve gender
equality
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.
Nevertheless
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, I feel that the disruptive effects of ‘overnight’
legislation
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 would destabilise society and hinder many people’s prospects. Overall, I believe that
equality
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 is an excellent goal for society to strive for. Above all, though, I think that
this
Linking Words
 needs to be a gradual process, based on careful support rather than sudden
legislation
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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