some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. other think women are less suitable for this kind of job. discuss both views and give your opinion.
since people have few points as to whether
womens
are suitable to do Field Correct your spelling
women
job
like Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
police
aur
military or not. Our school of thought reckons that Correct word choice
apply
women
taking up employment sectors which were mainly male dominated
Add a hyphen
male-dominated
while
other
considered that they are not suited for Fix the agreement mistake
others
police
or military forces. This
essay will not discuss both the view points
but Correct your spelling
viewpoints
also
my own view perspective on the same in the subsequent paragraphs.
To embark on, there are multiple reasons why women
should involve
in forces. First of all, Wrong verb form
be involved
women
are mentally and emotionally stronger than men. Women
have better
quality Correct article usage
a better
to know
Change preposition
of knowing
the
things carefully. They are not physically that strong but they can use their intelligence to join in military and Correct article usage
apply
police
force. Second of all, human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
are playing
a great role in Wrong verb form
play
police
force. Add an article
the police
For instance
, Dr Kiran bedi
a retired IPS officer Change the capitalization
Bedi
of
India has decreased Change preposition
in
crime
rate significantly. she is Correct article usage
the crime
the
living legend who has contributed a lot Correct article usage
a
for
Change preposition
to
nation
. Nowadays, Correct article usage
the nation
women
are more concerned about protecting their nation so they do physical
and mental exercise to get a part in it.
Add an article
a physical
On the other hand
, some people think that women
are not capable to carry
out certain jobs Change preposition
of carrying
due to
various reasons. Primarily, physical strength is vital to become
a Wrong verb form
becoming
police
officer or join
Wrong verb form
joining
military
and Correct article usage
the military
women
have less stamina for this
kind of job. For example
, while
catching a thief law enforcement officer needs to run fast to get hold of the burglar. Secondly
, few women
prefer to stay at home and look after their toddlers for in laws
Add a hyphen
in-laws
where
Correct word choice
whereas
are
some Unnecessary verb
apply
women
are prefer
to do corporate jobs.
Change the verb form
prefer
To conclude
, I believe that both men and women
are equally important to serve the nation as they have other traits and qualities that men do not possess.Submitted by Hitesh Malik on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the given topic, but the discussion lacks depth and fails to provide a balanced view. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully explored and that the essay presents a clear argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The essay attempts to organize ideas in a logical sequence, and there is an evident introduction and conclusion. However, the ideas lack coherence, and the essay would benefit from better paragraph structure and more cohesive linking devices.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.