Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

People
hold different views on whether or not
violence
from
television
and
computer
games
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
harmful effects .
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
in my personal view, it is believed that
this
factor negatively affects
people
's behaviour because of two aspects. First of all, there are
abundance
Add an article
an abundance
show examples
of
violence
exposure in
television
and
computer
games
that can be accessed easily by
people
. In return
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
,
people
become habituated
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
all
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
violence
in
television
and
games
, like fighting , abusing , cursing words, etc, and unconsciously imitate those in
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
daily lives.
For instance
, nowadays, many students say things harshly to their teachers or older
people
because they get used to those rude acts
dramas
Correct word choice
and dramas
show examples
.
Secondly
,
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
parts from
television
and
computer
games
are often considered as good things by the audiences. What causes
this
is,
those
Correct word choice
that those
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
parts
frequently done
Add the auxiliary verb
are frequently done
show examples
by the protagonist in those media and get a lot of recognition from
people
. The younger generation, who are still not able to differentiate the good and bad parts, will tend to assume all of those acts as positive ones.
Thus
, they are inspired to imitate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aggressive acts in real life. As an example, many children are obsessed with Superheroes in movies and video
games
who destroy the monsters or villains by attacking them, so they duplicate the attacking
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
to their siblings or friends. In conclusion, I think
television
and
computer
games
clearly
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
damaging
Correct article usage
a damaging
show examples
impact on society, especially young
people
,
due to
those exposure and imitation factors.
Submitted by T S on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: