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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where revenant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where revenant.
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The first bar chart compares two reasons for
study
Use synonyms
 conforming
student’s
Change preposition
to student’s
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. The
second
Linking Words
 bar chart provides the percentage of
support
Use synonyms
 given by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers to those
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it’s
clearly
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 under 39
Use synonyms
study
Change to a plural noun
studies
show examples
 to possibly achieve a good
career
Use synonyms
 in the future.
In contrast
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 over 49 tend to
study
Use synonyms
 for interest more than for a
career
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the graph demonstrates that the percentage of studying for a
career
Use synonyms
 has declined
whereas
Linking Words
studying
Correct article usage
the studying
show examples
 for interest’s percentage has increased over the
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Surprisingly, half of the
students
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 40 to 49 tend to
study
Use synonyms
 for interest and the other half
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
 to get a
career
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, an analysis of the
second
Linking Words
 bar chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 under 26, have the most employer
support
Use synonyms
 than any others.
Although
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
 group 30-39 received less time off and help with the fees, it demonstrates a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employer
support
Use synonyms
 over the
next
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, younger
students
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 to pursue a
career
Use synonyms
 and have more
support
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers than older
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words study, age, support, students, career with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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