IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Employers should give long holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree.

#employers #holidays #employees #job
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Nowadays everyone's
life
Use synonyms
is revolving
Wrong verb form
revolves
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 around either
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 or home. In
such
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 a situation, many claim that the employees must be given opportunities to take a break from their daily routine. I completely agree with the given argument, and the reasons to back my concord will be discussed
further
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 in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, a long break can allow the person to relax, which in turn will allow him or her to be more productive when they are working. To elaborate, if one individual is engaged in
same
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the same
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 activity, there are chances that
people
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 will experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of motivation in
life
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due to
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 the fact that they are not finding time for another favourite or pass time activities.
For instance
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, during the holidays
people
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 explore different hobbies that help them to enjoy quality time with themselves and family.
This
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 will allow one to become refreshed, and a fresh mind will have miraculous capabilities.
Secondly
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, It is essential for the organizations to prioritise
well-being
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the well-being
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 of staff members, one way of doing
this
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 is by allowing a good number of leaves.
Meaning
Wrong verb form
This means
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 that,
people
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 will become stressed if they work continuously,
therefore
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, the companies must schedule frequent offs. In India,
for example
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, many festivals are celebrated with a reason to promote the celebrations with family, on these occasions all enjoy a break from work,
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this
Correct word choice
and this
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practise
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practice
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 ensures that everyone is leading a healthy and happy
life
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.
To conclude
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, though commitment to
workplace
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the workplace
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 is necessary,
people
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 working under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employers deserve
to
Verb problem
apply
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spend quality
life
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 as well. They must be given enough
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
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 away from work to relax with family and get relieved of mental stress.
This
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 will not only ensure the physical fitness of individuals, but
also
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 the productivity
at
Change preposition
apply
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will be improved.
Submitted by skomal1510 on

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task response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly and directly. Provide more depth in discussing the impact of long breaks on employee productivity.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and make the essay easier to follow. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and flows logically to the next.
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