IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Employers should give long holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree.

#employers #holidays #employees #job
Nowadays everyone's
life
is revolving
Wrong verb form
revolves
show examples
 around either
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 or home. In
such
 a situation, many claim that the employees must be given opportunities to take a break from their daily routine. I completely agree with the given argument, and the reasons to back my concord will be discussed
further
 in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, a long break can allow the person to relax, which in turn will allow him or her to be more productive when they are working. To elaborate, if one individual is engaged in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 activity, there are chances that
people
 will experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation in
life
due to
 the fact that they are not finding time for another favourite or pass time activities.
For instance
, during the holidays
people
 explore different hobbies that help them to enjoy quality time with themselves and family.
This
 will allow one to become refreshed, and a fresh mind will have miraculous capabilities.
Secondly
, It is essential for the organizations to prioritise
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of staff members, one way of doing
this
 is by allowing a good number of leaves.
Meaning
Wrong verb form
This means
show examples
 that,
people
 will become stressed if they work continuously,
therefore
, the companies must schedule frequent offs. In India,
for example
, many festivals are celebrated with a reason to promote the celebrations with family, on these occasions all enjoy a break from work,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
practise
Replace the word
practice
show examples
 ensures that everyone is leading a healthy and happy
life
.
To conclude
, though commitment to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is necessary,
people
 working under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers deserve
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend quality
life
 as well. They must be given enough
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 away from work to relax with family and get relieved of mental stress.
This
 will not only ensure the physical fitness of individuals, but
also
 the productivity
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
will be improved.
Submitted by skomal1510 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly and directly. Provide more depth in discussing the impact of long breaks on employee productivity.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and make the essay easier to follow. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and flows logically to the next.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: