IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #drinks #drink
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Nowadays,
q
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the
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uantity of
sugar
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 in our drinks so many that diabetes and other illness from
sugar
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 very actual problems among people. The fact is that there is a kind of law, if you don’t work- you don’t eat, no matter how funny it sounds. And
specially
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especially
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 right now, in coronavirus time, when every country has a crisis and a lot of people works
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in-home
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in
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at
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h
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the
a
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ome, in front of their computers. Even kids
plays
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play
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 a lot of computer games, so there is the point
,
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apply
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 when people use computers or phones for a long time, they
loses
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lose
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 body energy. And right now
t
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the
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hing which can give that energy back is
sugar
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-based drinks.
Sugar
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 has that ability, so that’s why we have the problem with that. But we
cant
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can't
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 say that it is the only reason, cause
sugar
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-based drinks are used for just
drink
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drinking
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. So, how we could solve that problem? We
cant
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can't
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 just destroy
sugar
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-based drinks at all obviously, but we can reduce
a
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the
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mount of it. A lot of world companies makes money on that, and it is
k
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a
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ind of dependence in people.
Solution
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The solution
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is make
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is to make
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 a law which forbidding big quantity of
sugar
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 in drinks, and gradually every year reduce
sugar
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 in drinks.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion
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,
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understanding the problems it is
Linking Words
f
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the
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irst step for
s
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a
the
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olution, so we should give the information
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about
on
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how dangerous is it for people. In conclusion
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,
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we can say that solve that problem at all we
cant
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can't
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, cause it has
o
Add a pronoun
its
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wn advantages, but we can try to reduce
a
Add an article
the
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mount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 thanks to the law.
Submitted by zholdas.galiya on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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