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Band 4.5

All people should go to university, even if they are not going to use that education In their job. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #education #job
Education
 is vital and essential for living a better life. Nowadays, enrolling
to
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on
show examples
 the
best performing
Add a hyphen
best-performing
show examples
 and world-class universities is common. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the argument from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides and give my opinion
why
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on why
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 it should not be a compulsion to go to
university
. Many people are fond of getting a higher
education
 to get handsome pay in the future. Pursuing
such
 higher studies
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a significant dent in the bank balance as the fees charged by the universities are not affordable.
This
 results
to take
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in taking
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 the
education
 loans. A large pool of the students
passed
Correct pronoun usage
who passed
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 out from
such
 universities even do not get
the
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a
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job
 with a higher pay scale which can earn them a considerable amount of
money
 to repay the
education
 loan. If I
have
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had
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 made a decision that the degree I
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 receive from the
university
,
that
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apply
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 not be going to useful for the
job
 in the future, I would not
go
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have gone
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 to the
university
 and
waste
Wrong verb form
wasted
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 the
money
. Rather, I would spend
money
 on subscribing
some
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to some
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 other relevant courses which would be beneficial for me in my life and
job
 purposes. There are many people who spend
money
 on getting
undesirable
Correct article usage
an undesirable
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education
 thinking that
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 will be helpful for them for negotiation
while
 applying for a
job
 but later it does not help. To summarise my view, looking at the time,
money
 and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 going to waste if the degree I will pursue, that may not help me in my
job
, I would not go to the
university
.
Hence
, I strongly disagree with it.
Submitted by rrjoshi1993 on

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task response
You have addressed the topic effectively and presented a clear opinion on whether all people should go to university. However, consider providing more in-depth analysis and expanding on your points to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a logical progression of ideas. To improve coherence, ensure that your supporting points are well-connected and provide more details and examples to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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