Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#employment #staff #-week #holiday #year #employees #jobs

The employers

Correct article usage

Employers

show examples

work

hard to determine the

holiday

allocations for their

employees

in the contemporary workplace. Some people

claimed

Wrong verb form

claim

show examples

that

staff

should have

one-month

Correct article usage

a one-month

show examples

break annually, and the merit of

this

policy is obvious to help

staff

release from high stress and endless tasks.

However

, from my point of view, I partly disagree

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

statement. It is undeniable that the extended

holiday

has some advantages to

motivate

Wrong verb form

motivating

show examples

staff

performing

Change the verb form

to perform

show examples

better at

work

This

is mainly because it provides more time for

employees

to take care of themselves and their families, and it leads to a balance of

work

and quality

life

Change preposition

of life

show examples

This

results in higher life satisfaction among those

employees

. I believe that most of those

staff

will appreciate the 4-week

holiday

. In return, those

staff

will be willing to devote more of their attention

Change preposition

show examples

the processing of their jobs.

On the other hand

, extending the length of the

holiday

will

also

cause some drawbacks, which may put a company at stake.

This

is mainly because personnel are passive after a long period of a break since they are not doing their regular tasks

such

as customer service and commercial communication.

Change preposition

show examples

a result, the working environment is not effective, and it will definitely affect badly on the company’s achievements.

Furthermore

, small companies which contain few

staff

and each of them is responsible for a certain position may likely cause

delay

Fix the agreement mistake

delays

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

projects if any employee is on a long leave. In the end,

this

policy may lead to

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

losses in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

long run. In conclusion, even though the passive effects of a four-week

vocation

Correct your spelling

vacation

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

obvious in reducing

work

stress from

employees

as well as

motivating the

staff

to do better at

work

. I

concern

Verb problem

show examples

about

Correct word choice

concerned about

show examples

the negative impacts of long vocations,

such

destruction

Correct article usage

the destruction

show examples

of the working environment when the

staff

just

Verb problem

gets

show examples

back from

the

Correct article usage

show examples

long leave and

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

losses if someone

were

Wrong verb form

show examples

not on-site to complete the projects on time in small companies.

Submitted by fanganqi79 on Thu Jan 21 2021

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task response

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are well supported but some examples could be more specific. However, the essay could have addressed the task requirements more comprehensively, providing a more thorough response to the prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay shows a good level of coherence and cohesion, with clear progression of ideas and well-linked paragraphs. However, the use of specific examples could be improved to provide more depth to the arguments and make the essay more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

331 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the word. what are the causes of it? and what solution do you offer?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own pourer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Recent sureys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reason for this trend and will be the possible outcome from this behavior provide example for your opinion

Some people think person happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.