IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#employment #staff #-week #holiday #year #employees #jobs
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The employers
Correct article usage
Employers
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 hard to determine the
holiday
Use synonyms
 allocations for their
employees
Use synonyms
 in the contemporary workplace. Some people
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that
staff
Use synonyms
 should have
one-month
Correct article usage
a one-month
show examples
 break annually, and the merit of
this
Linking Words
 policy is obvious to help
staff
Use synonyms
 release from high stress and endless tasks.
However
Linking Words
, from my point of view, I partly disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement. It is undeniable that the extended
holiday
Use synonyms
 has some advantages to
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivating
show examples
staff
Use synonyms
performing
Change the verb form
to perform
show examples
 better at
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because it provides more time for
employees
Use synonyms
 to take care of themselves and their families, and it leads to a balance of
work
Use synonyms
 and quality
life
Change preposition
of life
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.
This
Linking Words
 results in higher life satisfaction among those
employees
Use synonyms
. I believe that most of those
staff
Use synonyms
 will appreciate the 4-week
holiday
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. In return, those
staff
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 will be willing to devote more of their attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the processing of their jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, extending the length of the
holiday
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 cause some drawbacks, which may put a company at stake.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because personnel are passive after a long period of a break since they are not doing their regular tasks
such
Linking Words
 as customer service and commercial communication.
In
Change preposition
As
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 a result, the working environment is not effective, and it will definitely affect badly on the company’s achievements.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, small companies which contain few
staff
Use synonyms
 and each of them is responsible for a certain position may likely cause
delay
Fix the agreement mistake
delays
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on
Change preposition
in
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 projects if any employee is on a long leave. In the end,
this
Linking Words
 policy may lead to
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 losses in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run. In conclusion, even though the passive effects of a four-week
vocation
Correct your spelling
vacation
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 obvious in reducing
work
Use synonyms
 stress from
employees
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 motivating the
staff
Use synonyms
 to do better at
work
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. I
concern
Verb problem
am
show examples
 more
about
Correct word choice
concerned about
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 the negative impacts of long vocations,
such
Linking Words
 as
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of the working environment when the
staff
Use synonyms
 just
be
Verb problem
gets
show examples
 back from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long leave and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 losses if someone
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 not on-site to complete the projects on time in small companies.
Submitted by fanganqi79 on

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task response
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are well supported but some examples could be more specific. However, the essay could have addressed the task requirements more comprehensively, providing a more thorough response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a good level of coherence and cohesion, with clear progression of ideas and well-linked paragraphs. However, the use of specific examples could be improved to provide more depth to the arguments and make the essay more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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