Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One
Use synonyms
of the most
conscipious
Correct your spelling
conscious
conspicuous
conscientious
trends, of today's world
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
is the
colosal
Correct your spelling
colossal
upsurge in subsidizing team member with a gym or sports membership. There is a
wide spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
show examples
woory
Correct your spelling
worry
that
this
Linking Words
may lead to
mayrid
Correct your spelling
myriad
of concerns in the
scoiety
Correct your spelling
society
. In my opinion, subsidizing members have
m
Add an article
a
show examples
ore positive impact
in
Verify preposition usage
on
show examples
the
scoiety
Correct your spelling
society
. On the
onehand
Correct your spelling
one hand
, critics may point out
one
Use synonyms
of the most significant
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
show examples
is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
employees would be addicted to the incentives and would be more distracted their
workpkace
Correct your spelling
workplace
work place
, and even damage their health.
For example
Linking Words
, unlike in the past
Add a comma
,
show examples
most of the staff are praised for their work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and given bouns of their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
and efforts in the work as
atoken
Correct your spelling
a token
token
of
appriciation
Correct your spelling
appreciation
. On the
anotherhand
Correct your spelling
another hand
, though
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
are
n
Change the article
a
the
show examples
umber of stance in favour of my stance,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
one
Use synonyms
of the most
prepondarent
Correct your spelling
preponderant
Use synonyms
one
Change to a plural noun
ones
show examples
is that it
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
employees to significantly focus in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
likewise
Linking Words
providing them free membership to the gym or health clubs which would make them fit and
also
Linking Words
improve their mental ability and concentration. According to the "Time
Magizine
Correct your spelling
Magazine
Add a comma
,
show examples
2020 Edition" conducted
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research and stated that most the
teammembers
Correct your spelling
team members
were doing an
outstandanding
Correct your spelling
outstanding
performance and the organisation was able to achieve their goals if they are mentally stable and fit. In my view, based on the arguments outlined above despite some negative drawback the advantage of the subsidizing the employee outweigh, and
this
Linking Words
is
indeed
Replace the adverb
true
show examples
to dier to ignore.
Submitted by sairam5191 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: