IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others hold that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
Top-level
employees
 earn
realtively
Correct your spelling
relatively
 much more than regular staff in the big firms. Some argue that it is not fair for regular
satff
Correct your spelling
staff
 due to same labour time spend on the job,
however
,
this
 believes that higher position staff should earn higher because of their skills and experience they have.
To begin
 with,
generally
Add a comma
,generally
show examples
 people in managerial positions have greater skills and knowledge required to run a business and manage people.
Moreover
, they acquire
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 attributes with hard work, education and years of experience.
Furthermore
, they have the ability to think of bringing more profit to the organization and
suatain
Correct your spelling
sustain
 in a highly competitive market.
For example
, according to a study by Business Talk Newspaper, it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 of average 10 years for a basic staff to reach in the
top level
Add a hyphen
top-level
show examples
 position in an enterprise.
Hence
, the people who
holds
Change the verb form
hold
show examples
 the position of director should have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 pay grade.
However
, many disagree and argue that there should be equal pay to all
employees
 in the organization.
This
 is to say that, all staffs of the company
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount of hours per week i.e. 38 hours and as they work
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 amount of time they should be paid at the same rate. Despite
this
, the
oridinary
Correct your spelling
ordinary
employees
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have the capacity, knowledge and skill in order to operate a business.
This
 is considered as a greater responsibility in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 company. To exemplify, an office clerk may not have the ability to manage more than 200 staffs and handle
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 operation of the enterprise. In conclusion,
this
 essay believes that
higher level
Add a hyphen
higher-level
show examples
employees
 should have a more income because of the expertise and skills they have despite the arguments that it
is bias
Change the verb form
is biased
show examples
 to the lower level workers as they contribute the same amount of time in the office.
Submitted by shresthakrishchal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: