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Band 5

The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Write an essay either for or against this position. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#rate #unemployment #countries #education #school #level #position
Undoubtedly, nowadays, the unemployment rate has risen and
as a result
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 career opportunities there are.
Therefore
, a significant proportion of graduates think of finding
a temporary positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a temporary position
temporary positions
show examples
instead
 of entering higher
education
 and acquiring a university degree.
However
, in my opinion, these two facts should not be confused because
education
 yourself is vital not only to get a
job
 in the
future
 but
also
 is beneficial for your progressing to a useful individual. So, no matter the situation which is prevailed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
job
 market, higher
education
 must be supported and promoted. Little do we know about what will happen in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market in the
next
 decade. Having said that, the thing that we can be sure of is the importance of
education
.
To begin
 with, someone who invests in his
education
, except
from
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 the learning
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
he gets,
also
 improves his mental health. More specifically, entering the university
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 not only about studying but
also
 socialising and exposing yourself to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new experiences.
For instance
, through
university
Add a comma
,university
show examples
 we are taught crucial values
such
 as approaching new people with ease, expressing our emotions, thinking outside of a box and challenging our
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 by getting out of our comfort zone.
Such
 important qualifications from our life in the
future
.
Moreover
, in the wake of high
unemployment
Add a comma
,unemployment
show examples
 the
education
 has a more signification role than ever before. Studying a subject that you love and become an expert
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 you more competitive in the
job
 market. Gaining
such
 qualifications allows us to secure a position with more ease and confidence. In conclusion, we should not forget the present by thinking only about the
future
, but
firstly
, we ought to invest in ourselves at the present in order to get the maximum profits in the
future
 and
this
 thing can only happen through
education
.
Submitted by davidwillphone on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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