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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is true that whilst many people use their public parks, this space could be used for other purposes, such as building houses for young people or developing a business area to create jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#whilst #people #parks #space #purposes #houses #business #area #jobs
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Public
parks
 are an area of open
space
 where offer green
space
 and recreation to residents of the city or visitors. Unfortunately, it is easily found that they are used away
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 their original purpose.
For example
,
space
 for building a new house for young or business area to create employment. I do not agree that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public
space
 is replaced by
space
 for other purposes. Public
parks
 are very necessary for all kinds of
people
, children, young and old in cities.
People
 take exercises and go on a picnic there. Children can have fun there with running, jumping and playing. The old find the
parks
 very helpful in spending their evenings. Especially, the park in
crowded
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a crowded
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 city is the only place where
people
 of all ages can relax and feel close to
the
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apply
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nature. The stress and tension of modern life have made
people
 immune to the beauty of nature. They cant not enjoy the beauty of flowers, swaying trees, flying birds. Their life is full of care and they have no time to relax. A public park is a place of rest and enjoyment for the poor as well as the rich. It makes us forget our problems and worries and makes us hopeful and happy. In a word, modern
parks
 have a function of multivitamin for
malnourished
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a malnourished
the malnourished
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 person.
Furthermore
, public
parks
 play important role in purifying the air around us. Clean and fresh air is very needed for our health. The trees help in
brining
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bringing
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 down the temperature a little and give us a moist feeling. All
this
 makes us healthier, and life becomes enjoyable. It is
worth
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worthy
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of
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apply
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noting that the public park is
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
 owned and maintained by a local government. That means it provides benefits for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
, not for a certain age or group.
Therefore
 it is the duty of the governments or municipalities that manage the
parks
 to provide the public with as many
parks
 as possible. In doing so they would
deliever
Correct your spelling
deliver
 real service to the public. In conclusion, public
parks
 are very useful and provide
space
 for relaxation and rest. I hope that public
parks
 increase more and more.
Submitted by ieltsirene on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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