IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?

#country #materials #goods #people #production
It is thought by a majority of people that, to enhance the manufacturing of various things should be the major goal of
countries
. Since it results in both blessings and curse to
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
;
this
 essay aims to find the controversial issues related to
augmentation
Correct article usage
the augmentation
show examples
 of
production
. It can be stated undoubtedly that, a country can never soar its development without boosting its material
production
.
Moreover
, to meet the demands of
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
ever
Add an article
the ever
show examples
 growing population it needs to produce goods related to basic needs as food, clothing etc.
Third
 world
countries
 especially the least developed
countries
 always feel
such
 pressure.
Besides
this
, in order to alleviate poverty
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
the country
show examples
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
constant stress of enhancing GDP which in turn demands
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
continuous
production
. Every nation wants to keep them abreast with the flow of globalization,
hence
 tend to manufacture more and more materials. If
excess
Add an article
an excess
the excess
show examples
 local product can be exported
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, foreign currency will be obtained and
thus
countries
 can catch the global market.
However
,
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
a tendency
show examples
 to increase
production
 may cause negative consequences. When a country is in the mode of boosting
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
, it may often unaware of environmental soundness. More factories
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 more wastes and if
such
 wastes cannot be managed carefully and properly, great havoc may occur
such
 as air pollution, water pollution etc.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 it is irony that high
production
 does not always suppose to eliminate
scarcity
Correct article usage
the scarcity
show examples
 of people until the yields are properly distributed.
Lastly
, the principle of long term development lies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the effective and efficient utilization of resources, not in
unwise
Add an article
an unwise
the unwise
show examples
 surge of
production
. It can be concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 to cope with the modern era,
countries
 have to emphasize
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
producing more products. But they should
also
 think prudentially that
such
production
Replace the word
products
show examples
 must be sustainable and eco friendly.
Submitted by Galih Rineksa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: