IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
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Admittedly,people who have a divergent outlook towards interchanging weather could have a pessimistic effect on work.Some are fascinated by it,
while
 others are apprehensive with regards
it
Change preposition
to it
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 having an optimistic effect on the
business
.Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed before my inclinations in the ensuing paragraphs. Having a climatic shift will prolific increase the
business
 is one of the grave
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why proponent advocates
such
shift
Correct article usage
a shift
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.As it is widely acknowledged that even if people have
possesions
Correct your spelling
possessions
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 as per the season,still in order to look trendy they buy items be it clothes,shoes or utensils which ultimately a significant rise in the
business
.To quote an instance,youngsters ,all around the globe, are the biggest consumer of state-in-art products
which
Correct word choice
and
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 purchases
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of the products as per the climatic situations ;resultantly,firms
are benefitted
Wrong verb form
benefit
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due to
this
.
Hence
 ,it is conspicuous that climatic transfer
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
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 as a boon for a few sectors ,as their products remain in high
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
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 under
this
 scenario. Paradoxically,opponents who espouse that interchanging weather brings dismal consequences
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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claim that myriads of industries which usually heavily
relying
Wrong verb form
rely
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 on climate for their survival will incur heavy debt in
such
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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.There are no frontiers in saying that primary industries be it food,hosiery or animal industries process their task based on climatic conditions rather than on other factors, which are severely impacted owing to
this
 shift.What could be a better example than the farming industry?Farmers cultivate their crops as per the season ,and climatic transfer leads to a detrimental impact on their crop production,which results in a shortage of production ,and a reduction in firm production. To recapitulate,
although
 the change in climate could be
Correct article usage
a
show examples
contributing factor
for
Change preposition
to
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 a couple of
business
sectors
Change noun form
sectors'
sector's
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 growth,I assert that it adversely affects the primary
business
 which is,incontestably,imperative for human survival.
Submitted by ank.fetr on

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coherence cohesion
Improving the logical structure of your essay is key. In this essay, navigation through the text was a bit tricky because the progression of ideas is not smooth. Try to break down and organise your ideas more clearly, ensuring that each paragraph discusses one main point. This would enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
While your essay does address most parts of the task, it could be more complete. Some points appear to be left unexplained, for instance, how these climate changes could supposedly increase business opportunities. Furthermore, ensure your argument incorporates a clear analysis and not just a restatement of the task. The aim is to present a balanced and comprehensive view of all perspectives before providing your opinion.
lexical resource
Your essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. Though the vocabulary used is generally accurate, there are instances where the word choice is overly complex or slightly inappropriate. Climatic 'shift' or 'transfer', for instance, do not convey the meaning as appropriately as 'change'. Ensure the terminologies you use are accurate in the context of your essay.
grammar
Remember that variety in sentence structures enhances readability. While you demonstrate a good control of grammatical structures, there are instances of overly long and convoluted sentences, which can affect readability and comprehension. Simple, clear sentences can sometimes be more effective than complex ones.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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