Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

#illness #death #world #interest #health #governments #ban #cigarettes #tobacco #products

Smoking is a threat to human

health

Hence

, some people advocate a total

ban

on cigarettes and other related products. I agree that smoking should be restricted and that

tobacco

Correct article usage

the tobacco

show examples

industry should be regulated.

However

, a total

ban

is too extreme because it will damage personal freedom and decrease tax revenue for the

government

. Admittedly, smoking is harmful to one’s

health

and should be restricted. It causes various

health

issues, damaging smokers’

resparatory

Correct your spelling

respiratory

and cardiovascular system.

Morever

Correct your spelling

Moreover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

second

-hand smoke is equally bad

Change preposition

for

show examples

other people who are around

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smokers. These

health

risks will not only create illness to individuals

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

add extra burden to

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

health

system.

Therefore

, it is reasonable to discourage

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and limit the expansion of the

tobacco

industry.

However

, imposing a total

ban

on cigarettes and

tobacco

products is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

damage to

individual’s

Correct article usage

an individual’s

show examples

freedom. Smoking, like any other recreational activities, is a personal choice. One can be advised but should never be forced to lead a certain lifestyle.

This

is a basic human right.

In addition

, banning

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tobacco

products is going to eliminate a profitable sector, which contributes significantly to tax revenue for the

government

. Around the world, cigarettes are already being taxed heavily as a measure to discourage purchase.

High

Add an article

The high

A high

show examples

amount of

government

revenue raised by these taxes is used to build infrastructures and maintain a

health

system, which

benefit

Change the verb form

benefits

show examples

everyone including non-smokers. If

these money

Change the determiner

this money

show examples

were gone,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

will face

fiscal

Correct article usage

a fiscal

show examples

shortage and have to look for other sources of taxation, which may press other industries and sectors. In conclusion, smoking is not

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and should be

restricuted

Correct your spelling

restricted

. But imposing a

ban

on the whole industry does not make sense.

This

will only damage human right and cause a

serie

Correct your spelling

series

of other problems for the

government

. I disagree

this

Change preposition

with this

show examples

kind of extreme proposal.

Submitted by henggu on Thu Mar 18 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both sides and express your opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to flight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?