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Band 7

There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into the workplace after they graduate. Why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage them into work?

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Nowadays, after
students
 graduated from university, many female
students
 consider do not go to the workplace for many reasons.
This
 essay will discuss
what
Delete the pronoun
apply
show examples
the reason that makes
students
 do not go to the
company
 and how to encourage them to
work
. There are three reasons why
students
 do not go to the
company
.
Firstly
, some
students
 want to have rests before going to the workplace.
For instance
, many
students
 travel around the world for getting more experience and having fun before going through the stress of the workplace.
Secondly
, some
students
 consider that the
company
 pay a low salary. Because they think that they paid much money for education, if the
company
 pay a low salary, it unfair for them.
Third
, some
students
 concern about security. It is very dangerous when women finish
works
 at night. In some companies, employees have to finish
works
 before go home, if they do not finish
works
, they have to stay in the
company
 for finishing
works
. In some cases, a leader gives
work
 to employees at the weekend or on holiday. The
company
 should have measures to encourage
students
 to
work
.
To begin
 with, the
company
 has to pay a salary that suits the position of
students
 because many companies pay very little wages.
Moreover
, the
company
 should have measured the security,
for instance
, if employees do not finish
work
 before 6 pm, they can
work
 from home. In conclusion, all companies should have measures that respond to the needs of
students
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal beliefs
  • recruitment process
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • gender biases
  • mentorship opportunities
  • salary disparities
  • role models
  • financial compensation
What to do next:
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