IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that cigarette smoking has had a negative impact for far too long and the only solution to end ot, is to make cigarettes illegall worldwide. To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give explanations and examples to support your opinion.

smoking has become a daily dose for
everyone
Use synonyms
 nowadays.
Use synonyms
everyone
Capitalize word
Everyone
show examples
 believes that so far it has had a negative impact on
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 life.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why I agree to make cigarettes illegal worldwide and the reasons for it.
to begin
Linking Words
 with,
although
Linking Words
everyone
Use synonyms
 who smokes believes it will give them temporary relief it has a huge impact on human lungs.
Use synonyms
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
 who
somke
Correct your spelling
smoke
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
,all the harmful chemicals in that one will be stored in our body mainly affects the respiratory system.
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 example when you are smoking you need to breathe in
smoke
Use synonyms
 to give you relief.
overall
Linking Words
,it will
cause
Use synonyms
 great damage to human body parts. next,it will
cause
Use synonyms
 addictive
problems
Use synonyms
.
although
Linking Words
everyone
Use synonyms
 starts smoking as a normal habit it will become more addictive in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 days.the ingredients which are used to make smoking will make you feel like you want to
smoke
Use synonyms
 again and again.
recent
Capitalize word
Recent
show examples
 studies show that younger
people
Use synonyms
 in a country
a preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to
smoke
Use synonyms
 when compared with other aged
people
Use synonyms
.you need to stop
people
Use synonyms
 who are smoking in public areas as it will
cause
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 who don't
smoke
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 sum up,because it will
cause
Use synonyms
 addictive
problems
Use synonyms
 government needs to take action by making them illegal around the world. in conclusion,
while
Linking Words
everyone
Use synonyms
is prefer
Wrong verb form
prefers
show examples
 smoking as a daily habit from morning to evening,it is causing so many
problems
Use synonyms
 to them and all
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 ones who are
nearer
Replace the word
near
show examples
 them.
they
Capitalize word
They
show examples
 won't stop immediately because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 addiction to that drug.I totally agree that the only solution to make them stop is by increasing the cost to a huge amount where they can't even think of buying it or by making them illegal all around the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic of making cigarettes illegal worldwide, but the arguments are not developed fully. Consider providing more detailed explanations and examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively structured to introduce and summarize the arguments more clearly.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: