nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. however, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

recent studies claim that
children
spend too much
time
on screens like
TV
and
video
games
.
while
some believe that watching
TV
and playing
video
games
can be excellent sources of education and entertainment, others are confident that much
screen
time
can have a negative side effect on
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
child condition. personally, I support those who believe that it is wise to monitor and limit
screen
time
spent by young
children
. first of all, watching
TV
and playing
video
games
may trigger emotional and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
issues. being trapped by these
activities
kids
do not know how to socialise and how to express their feelings.
also
, they may follow examples of
TV
and
video
game characters.
for example
, some characters do not speak, just mumble.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
a result,
this
has a negative effect on a child's language
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
parents
should pay more attention to these issues and set limits to
TV
and
video
games
so that
children
can spend
time
with friends and play
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
secondly
, excessive
TV
viewing and
video
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
playing have
shown
Add a missing verb
been shown
show examples
to decrease attention and cognitive functioning. these
activities
may be damaging to
children
's intelligence and mental problems.
this
might result in poor academic performance. the latest
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
proven that
time
spent on screens
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
not affect academic success,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the opposite,
kids
who spend hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
and playing
video
do worse at school. other
activities
like reading should be a high priority for
parents
who wish to protect their
children
from worse grades at school.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
kids
may not understand the root causes of these problems, it is the responsibility of
parents
to find proper ways
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to involve their
kids
in other
activities
by setting a good personal example for their
kids
. in conclusion, I agree with the opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activities
, like watching
TV
and playing
video
games
are not beneficial for young
children
in view of mental problems.
parents
should set limits and rules for
screen
time
.
As
Correct word choice
Screen
show examples
screen
time
should be treated as a privilege.
Submitted by dinarabdrasheva on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's opinion on the given topic and provides a roadmap for the subsequent discussion. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The essay needs to fully address the task by discussing the pros and cons of children spending time on TV and video games. Ensure that each paragraph supports the main points and provides relevant examples and explanations.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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