Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

A number of

individuals

believe that forceful attitude usually depicted in movies and video games has a negative impact on the population’s behaviour;

however

, some other

people

do not think it does. I believe that watching or playing violence on contemporary media has a significant negative effect on how

people

act. Analyzing that young

people

believe what they see or hear and that society is a reflection of what its

people

are exposed to proves

this

To begin

with, young

individuals

usually agree more with and act based on what they see or hear.

For instance

, children who grew up in peaceful and hospitable environment tend to be more loving and accommodating compared to those that are raised in slums and ghettos. Unfortunately, most of the movies and games children are exposed to are those depicting violent characters and acts.

Therefore

, it is safe to say that watching forceful kind of shows or playing games with a violent display is likely to influence one’s character badly.

Moreover

, the way a society behaves

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

reflects the kind of information it is exposed to.

For example

, it is known that societies in which information on sexual behaviour are readily available are likely to improve their sexual health than those in which the same information is concealed. So, when

individuals

are open to violent shows, they are likely to be deceived into believing that being forceful is the correct way of life. Justifiably, it could be deduced that “what an individual is exposed to may influence them”. To sum up,

individuals

are influenced by what they see or hear and the way a person behaves reflects what he or she is exposed to. I think that violence in contemporary media has a significant impact on the negative behaviour of the populace. With the advancement in technology,

this

trend is likely to continue.

Submitted by kuyeoj on Thu Apr 15 2021

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

8.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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