IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

#sugar #health #people #government #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #individual’s #amount
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Nowadays, containing a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in foods makes
people
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 unhealthy. According to
this
Linking Words
, some
people
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 say that the problem belongs to the government, while others believe that it is a personal issue. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be exploring both views.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mention that the government should take responsibility
restrict
Add the particle
to restrict
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 the amount of
sugar
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 by enforcing the law. On
food
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,food
show examples
 the main problem is the advancement of
technology
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because the proceeds of transportation made it faster to reach the
sugar
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 from farm to facility. Due to
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 the price of
sugar
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 is declining and it is easier to use a number of
sugar
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
sugar
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 has
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
nature not to rot the products so that companies tend to use it.
However
Linking Words
, in view of too much
sugar
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 being a personal problem, it depends on your own decision. The reason is that if you buy products at a supermarket, it shows the details.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
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 made
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products that do not contain
sugar
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 much.
Besides
Linking Words
,
people
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 argue that there is another issue
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
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 are not much more active than before. Associated with
this
Linking Words
, there are the citizens that the amount of
sugar
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 is the same but their bodies are healthy. In conclusion, too much
sugar
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 is one of the main problems these days. There are
people
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 who believe that it is the government 's fault or not. The difficulty is that both ideas involve the advance of
technology
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 so that the citizens need to use the
technology
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 as a good way and it is possible that
people
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 can become healthy one day.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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