IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risks
social
media
 is
leading
Correct article usage
a leading
show examples
 trend amongst youngsters to communicate with each other. it is
also
 helpful for those who want to explore their talent through online platforms.
for
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 tik tok is famous in all most all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age groups but
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in adults where individuals perform and upload their content on social
media
.
firstly
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to suggest that sharing
information
 on online platforms can be
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 issue in case of
data
Add an article
a data
the data
show examples
 breach. `user should avoid sharing sensitive
information
 on online sites which is connected to millions of users. it is considered
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
violation
Add an article
a violation
show examples
 of rights in many countries around the globe to share personal
information
 without user consent.
this
 is
also
 punishable under
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 of land.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 money frauds are commonly seen in
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 world and by stealing crucial
information
 from users account, definitely, the benefits of social
media
 platform are more than disadvantages because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 importance in today's world. people use different types of application like
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
,
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 etc which is connecting different
ethinic
Correct your spelling
ethnic
 people with other countries. globalisation helped
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 to reach out
those
Change preposition
to those
show examples
 who are still under-
privelaged
Correct your spelling
privileged
 and suffering from poverty. it has improved connectivity and
also
 provided
ground
Add an article
a ground
the ground
show examples
 report in certain situation. it is a gift to mankind but with exception of fair and ethical use. in today's world interaction is important for everything like for
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 or colleagues.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am in the opinion that it is quite useful to have social
media
 platforms and
also
 helps us to raise voice against injustice if needed. A famous person said injustice anywhere is
threat
Add an article
a threat
show examples
 to justice
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
everwhere
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
.
Submitted by bhinder7780 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: