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Band 5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour
People
 think that
violence
 on television and in computer games has a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Others argue that these factors do not have any significant
effect
 on
people
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. It is indisputable that many crimes are caused by the
violence
 gamers and many
people
 blame it on the
media
.
However
, there are some factors showing that
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
 are not harmful as many
people
 think. It is a tendency to believe that
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
such
 as action movies or
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 game can influence
people
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Many crime news reports about the
people
 who committed
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gamer addicts.
Therefore
,
people
 blamed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
 as the main factor that brings the quality of society down.
For example
, some children are forbidden to play any
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 games by their parents because
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 believes that these games will enhance the aggressive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of their child.
In contrast
, there are many reasons
argue
Fix the infinitive
to argue
show examples
 about
this
 problem.
Firstly
, the psychologists confirm that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
 do not
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 unless they have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction problems.
Secondly
, any
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
 would not harm the children if they are under supervised by their parents or guardians; thereby, they can learn about the negative
effect
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
media
 and adapt
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 as an anti-
violence
 person.
Hence
,
people
 should pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
media
 consumption and use it wisely
instead
 of banning these
media
. In conclusion, there are several pros and cons of these
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
. I believe that it has no damaging
effect
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society if
people
 have critical thinking while they consume it.
Submitted by noppapat_k on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Desensitization
  • Normalization
  • Psychological impact
  • Fear and anxiety
  • Parental control
  • Moderating
  • Fictional vs. real-world violence
  • Counterarguments
  • Correlation
  • Environmental influences
  • Social messages
  • Stress relief
  • Safe outlet
What to do next:
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