IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

#years #governments #laws #ban #places #bars #restaurants #offices
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Nowadays, some governments have prohibited smoking in the public community like in the workplace, restaurants and so on. I strongly agree with banning smoking in the public community
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reasons and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will support my view with examples. Smoking causes 90 per cent of all lung cancer deaths but we should bear in mind that
smoke
 does not just affect the smoker, but
also
 other people around the smoker. It releases toxic chemicals into the air like arsenic and benzene which turn non-smokers into victims.
For instance
, imagine someone is smoking inside a restaurant, it is not very pleasant or healthy to smell
smoke
while
 eating in the same place.
Moreover
, smoking creates a poor environment to study or work.
In other words
,
smoke
Fix the agreement mistake
smoking
show examples
 can be a distraction as some people like to study in the library or work in the workplace without being annoyed with second-hand
smoke
.
On the other hand
, some argue that
forbid on
Wrong verb form
forbidding
show examples
 smoking is against the rights of a smoker. They say it is not against the law, so individuals should have the freedom to
smoke
 wherever they wish.
In addition
, they believe a ban would possibly drive many bars and pubs out of business since a significant number of
bar’s
Change noun form
bar
show examples
 customers are smokers.
To sum up
, smoking increases health risks and I believe that it should be banned in public places. Banning smoking in public places can reduce the number of death and disease
infection
Fix the agreement mistake
infections
show examples
.
However
, there should be special places where smokers can
smoke
 freely.
Submitted by azin.ra97 on

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task response
You have provided a clear opinion on the topic and supported it with relevant examples. However, make sure to address all aspects of the topic, including any counter-arguments or opposing viewpoints to fully address the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good use of cohesive devices such as transition words and linking phrases. However, ensure that each paragraph relates back to the main topic and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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