IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company. How far do you support this idea?

#laws #businesses #services #numbers #workers #department #area #company #support #idea
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Nowadays,
gender
 equality becomes a sensitive topic in many areas. I agree that balancing the equal number of males and females in the company will have greater advantages, but I
also
 believe that imposing it on every department will not give positive development.
To begin
 with,
firstly
 imposing rules and regulations on firms will definitely bring advantages in various departments. It will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
 discrimination and there will be variations in the workforce.
For instance
, If a company hire equal numbers of men and women
then
 men can do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy force work without any stress big paperwork. Light-weighted and pen paperwork can be done by women.
This
 will increase the productivity of an organisation. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there will be wider opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employment. Men and women can apply in any firm.
On the other hand
, there are some firms that only hire female or vice versa. So, there is not possible to abide by laws. Some companies hire minimum employees and if they follow the rules of equality
then
 there will be more employees than the requirement in the firm. There are
also
 other ways to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equality,
for instance
, the government should give scholarship to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females so that they can do higher studies and can be placed in any departments. To conclude, I agree to remove
the
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apply
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gender
 discrimination there should be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 law to hire
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
 number of employees.
On the contrary
, I
also
 think it will not give overall positive results. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 other methods to remove
gender
 discrimination.
Submitted by Rajwinder Kaur on

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