Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether children participate in a well-developed group function or create an individual space themselves is a topic that divides parents into two categories. In my opinion,
this
decision could be taken based on the age of the children. On one hand, proponents of group activities argue that
this
can inculcate some social skills. Since the youngsters engage in various assignments, they would learn how to tolerate others behaviours as well characteristics. To illustrate, when students become part of a school science club, involve some discussions and programs , eventually,
this
makes them productive and futuristic.
By contrast
, until the present generation got
such
opportunities, they would have not been reached
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a better life.
Thus
, they tend to consider their view has some valid reasons. Despite the above-mentioned consideration, opponents argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
children find
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
way to be independent.
This
is because in their adulthood
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker if. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
if they want to be self-sufficient and create their own position, they
seems
Change the verb form
seem

It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb seems are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

show examples
to start building their own kingdom rather than following
others’s
Remove the s
others’

The word ’s is not the correct form for the plural possessive of the noun others. Remove the final s.

show examples
dream from their early years. Learning how to build new codes or games which can be not only profitable but benefits
also
for society;
therefore
, both father and mother motivate offsprings to participate these kinds of educational classes than mere joining some clubs that arrange some fundraising programs. In my opinion, after discussing both arguments, I firmly believe that both group and individual activities have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
own relevancy in our life;
however
,
this
may be
delived
Correct your spelling
delivered
derived

The word delived is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

according to the age of the child. In other word, preschoolers can be effectively managed in organised activities, whereas teenagers seem to flourish in self-learning methods. In conclusion, even though people have different thinking about offspring’s pastime
engagemets
Correct your spelling
engagements
engagement

The word engagemets is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

, I am
convenienced
Correct your spelling
convenience
inconvenienced

The word convenienced is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

that
this
would be better if it could be based on the age of the participants.
Submitted by Sal on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users