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Band 5

Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children’s #time #tv #video #pc #games
Recent years have seen a rapid increase in the popularity of electrical
appliances
, as a consequence of
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
 explosion. So, it is quite unsurprising that children from all over the world tend to experience more TV, video and PC games in their leisure
time
 for relaxation.
However
, others suppose that taking those electrical devices deeply into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life can cause severe influence. In
this
 essay, both
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
 arguments about using electrical
appliances
 will be discussed clearly. On the one hand, admittedly, the advent of electrical
appliances
 makes
children’s
 lives more convenient and flexible in all circumstances. Not only they support usefully
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children’s
 study, but they still
also
 help people
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 able to entertain themselves through their applications like watching TV, playing
video
Add an article
a video
show examples
 game or listening to music via the Internet. What’s more, many people who are interested in science, geography, astronomy, history or even psychology can keep pace with the up-to-date news through specialized channels like Discovery, National Geographic Channel…From those
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
, it is completely reasonable that spending more
time
 on TV, video and PC games have a positive impact on children.
On the other hand
, some people argue that dealing with those electrical
appliances
 in most of the
children’s
time
 can cause
severe
Correct article usage
a severe
show examples
 influence on their life.
In particular
, keeping in contact with those
appliances
 can lead to their self-isolation from their surrounding environment over
time
.
As a result
, they may lose their ability
of socializing
Replace the preposition
to socialize
show examples
 with their friends and interacting less efficiently with the outdoor environment.
Furthermore
, some health issues can be likely to come to them at any
time
 due to lack of doing physical exercises like autism, headache, sick building syndrome. By considering the pros and cons of applying the electrical
appliances
 in
children’s
 life, I am of the opinion that despite the fact the
children’s
 dependence on those
appliances
 should not be ignored, they themselves can not have the overall development without those
appliances
 and so, balancing the
time
 between for study and for relaxation by using the electrical devices should be considered thoroughly. To sum up, it can be stated that the electrical devices themselves hold a critical position in the process of
children’s
 development. To overcome some problems caused by overusing them, they should be disciplined by themselves or their parents with the purpose of making the best use of them.
Submitted by saidazim.kh on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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