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Band 4.5

According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average 'holiday' is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want excitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities. Do you agree or disagree?

#travel #business #nature #holiday #place #people #excitement #holidays #activities
Holiday
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The holiday
A holiday
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 is something
that is
 meant for enjoyment and relaxation. Those who are involved in the tour and travels commerce reckon that patterns of
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the holiday
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holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
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 are changed over the period.
Instead
 of looking for
far away
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faraway
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 destinations nowadays people are fond of adventurous
activities
 which give them
thrill
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a thrill
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.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 totally agree with the writer’s notion and the reasons behind my inclination are articulated in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, there are myriad reasons which indicate that travellers are more
in to
Join the words
into
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 challenging
activities
 rather than travel to the
far away
Correct your spelling
faraway
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 places.
Firstly
, individuals are keen on thrilling
activities
 because it’s
trend
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a trend
the trend
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 and the reason behind
this
 trend
is films
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is filmed
is filming
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. To elaborate
this
, nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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adventure based
Add a hyphen
adventure-based
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 movies are allure the audiences to imitate
such
activities
 that
has
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have
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 been shown on the big screens.
Secondly
, spots of challenge
activities
 are improved and they look after all the basic rules and regulations so that people do not get scared of performing those
activities
.
Furthermore
, it is fact that in present travellers enjoy more exciting and arduous
activities
 which give them
adrenaline
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an adrenaline
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 rush.
For instance
, according to the report by
Asian
Correct article usage
the Asian
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 travellers group,on tours as compared to past performers of challenging
activities
 are increased by 25% to 45%.
However
, there are a number of stereotypes who still love to enjoy
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 natural scenic views of
far away
Correct your spelling
faraway
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 places. They love to take photographs of nature. They do not support challenging
activities
 because they have
perception
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the perception
a perception
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 that those
activities
 might create catastrophes. In conclusion,
although
 it is totally correct that
activities
 that have risk and excitement are full of joy
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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still we should have taken all the precautions before taking them.
Submitted by Shaunak Desai on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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