IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favor

Smoking in public
areas
Use synonyms
 is a controversial topic; usually, it depends on the country’s law, whether allowed or prohibited. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides and give a conclusion from my viewpoint. On the one hand, those who support the idea that being allowed
smokers
Use synonyms
 in public
areas
Use synonyms
 should be their own decision, so long as they do not harm others. They point out that passive
smokers
Use synonyms
 choose to breathe in other people’s smoke because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
passive
smokers
Use synonyms
 could go to places where smoking is not allowed in public.
In addition
Linking Words
, proponents of permitting public smoking claim that it would increase the
client
Fix the agreement mistake
number of clients
show examples
 in some specific
areas
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as clubs. Perhaps it is practically correct as people tend to smoke
while
Linking Words
 drinking to feel relaxed.
As a result
Linking Words
, perhaps banning smoking in public
areas
Use synonyms
 will drive many of them out of business.
However
Linking Words
, opponents of banning smoking tobacco in public
areas
Use synonyms
 claim that people cannot avoid passive smoking.
For example
Linking Words
, those who work in a smoky workplace often do not freely choose
this
Linking Words
 condition since no other jobs are available, and there are no non-smoking bars or restaurants.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they highlighted the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, strokes, and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
. These smoking terrible effects directly affect both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
active and passive
smokers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, epidemiological studies have shown that atherosclerosis
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 50% in both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, I would tend to side with the opponents of prohibiting public smoking because smoking
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
tobacco has massive dangerous effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it would appear that banning smoking will protect passive
smokers
Use synonyms
 and
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the number of smoke-related diseases over time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: