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Band 3

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high portion of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#university #places #portion #people
The bar chart shows the
percentage
 of the two genders,
men
 and
women
 in
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
age
groups
 who regularly exercised in 2010.
In overall
Change preposition
Overall
show examples
,
women
 accounted for
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
percentage
 than
men
 in most
age
groups
. The two genders show the opposite trend with the changes, as an increase
then
 decrease was shown, while
men
 started at the peak and decreased
then
 increased back.
To begin
, females always had more people exercising than males in all
age
groups
 except 15 to 24. For the
age
groups
 from 25 to 34 to 65 and over, the percentages were all well above males with the biggest difference of respectively 14% in 35 to 44 category. The only exception was 15 to 24 as about 5.1% difference was shown, with
men
 at an approximate
percentage
 of 52.8% and 47.7% for
women
. The general trend of the two main categories could be described as the opposite
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other, as
women
 started at their
second lowest
Add a hyphen
second-lowest
show examples
 point of 47.7% and gradually increased to the peak at 53.3% for 45 to 54.
Then
 they had a reasonably sharp decrease, meeting their lowest
percentage
 of 47.1% for their oldest
age
 group.
In contrast
,
men
 began their journey from the highest 52.8%. Following with a decline of percentages, it reached 39.5% for
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group between 35 to 44 which gave the
most poor
Change the adjective
poorest
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 performance.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 after meeting
this
 point, they rose up to 46.7% in 65 and over, only showing
0.4
Correct article usage
a 0.4
show examples
% difference with females.
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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