IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
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Global
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The global
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 economy has changed in the past two years. Many
people
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 suffered from laid-off after
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 pandemic. Plenty of jobs were cut off owing to the outbreak of
virus
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the virus
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation
trigged
Correct your spelling
triggered
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 employees to think of the importance between
job
Use synonyms
 security and satisfaction. In my opinion , I choose to work in a solid company
instead
Linking Words
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, a
job
Use synonyms
 with satisfaction usually comes up with enjoyment. The harder you work, the more feeling of
success
Replace the word
successful
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people
Use synonyms
 have. It is
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 for someone to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
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 happy atmosphere whenever you have finished their tasks.
This
Linking Words
 sense of belonging keep on encouraging them to achieve more.
Thus
Linking Words
, they keen on working harder to achieve more joy.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, too
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 duties assigned to them may lead to chances of danger. The more they are able to do, the more responsibility they bear. They put themselves at risk if they failed to finish essential missions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a permanent
job
Use synonyms
 gives out stability indicated that
people
Use synonyms
 are unnecessary to worry about falling into unemployment. The provision of cash flow strength stemmed from stable salary contributes to the financial status.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
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 safe
job
Use synonyms
 means
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of opportunity to establish
ability
Add an article
the ability
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of
Change preposition
apply
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oneself.
This
Linking Words
 may cause
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 influence
to
Change preposition
on
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career
Correct article usage
the career
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 pathway.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will easily get lost in their career and
therefore
Linking Words
 laziness may appear because of deficiency of impact during working
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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. In conclusion, a
job
Use synonyms
 you are satisfied with provides you enjoyment and happiness.
However
Linking Words
, it is relatively unsafe in
working
Correct article usage
a working
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 environment compared with
secure
Add an article
a secure
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job
Use synonyms
.
On
Change preposition
In
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contrast
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the contrast
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy financial condition will
be benefit
Change the verb form
be benefited
be benefiting
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 from a lifelong
job
Use synonyms
 but you will be getting lazy if there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 insufficient challenges.
Hence
Linking Words
, if I must choose between
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction and financial security, I will definitely opt for the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 one.
Submitted by tommy.choy507 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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