IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a higher salary than those who have not. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, there are a lot of discussions about the link between
education
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 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
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and
Check wording
education and
show examples
 the
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 of employees.
Although
Linking Words
 some people assume that the salary should vary
according to
Linking Words
 the number of
skills
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 and amount of
knowledge
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 which employees possess
regardless
Punctuation problem
, regardless
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 of their
education
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, I believe that
university
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 graduates should have a higher income as they have some background
knowledge
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;
additionally
Linking Words
, they already have some
skills
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 which might lead to promotions in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 career. To start with, students who have just finished
high
Correct word choice
higher
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education
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 have enough raw
knowledge
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 in comparison with those who have not;
therefore
Linking Words
, there is almost no need to spend
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
time in order to teach employees how to act within the team, how to do specific
work
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 related to
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 field of
their
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apply
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work
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 and other aspects. The only issue which
may face newcomers
Correct word order
newcomers may face
show examples
 is a lack of
work
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 experience.
In other words
Linking Words
, they do not know how to apply
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knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
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 learned at the
university
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
university
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education
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 provides a base that leads to
further
Linking Words
 promotions at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
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. If a person has finished,
for instance
Linking Words
, a medical school, he
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 some medical
skills
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 which provide an opportunity to reach the highest ranks by promotion;
however
Linking Words
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one has not, at some
point
Punctuation problem
point,
show examples
 he may face a barrier that prevents
further
Linking Words
 promotions and high salaries, respectively.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is necessary to get a high degree. In the light of the thoughts elaborated upon below, I would like
to conclude
Linking Words
 that graduates of high academic institutions deserve a higher wage than people who do not have a high degree because
university
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 leavers do not require to obtain some
skills
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 which help to be promoted at the job, as they get them during studying;
moreover
Linking Words
, the main things which they need are to learn how to apply
knowledge
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 in practice and improve existing
skills
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.

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linking
Link ideas clearly with simple words. Use sign posts like first, next, also, but, however to show how ideas are connected.
examples
Give a strong example for each claim. The medical example is not enough. Add a short real world fact or common sense reason.
structure
Finish with a clear answer in conclusion. Restate your view in one or two lines.
grammar
Check grammar and keep sentences short. Break long ideas into two sentences.
content
Use simple words to show why a degree helps a job rise and not just knowledge.
clarity
The writer shows a clear view that graduates should earn more.
content
There are some good ideas on how education can help with promotion.
structure
The essay has a clear flow from start to end with an opening, middle and ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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