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Band 4.5

The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison but many believe education is a better method to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#behaviour #prison #education #method
Many people believe that anybody who is guilty of
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
 must go to
prison
 as a punishment, while others think
education
 is a better approach to discourage them from criminal behaviour. I entirely agree with the
second
 opinion, and I think
education
 is
far
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a far
show examples
 more effective tool when dealing with anybody who breaks the rules and comes into conflict with the law. In comparison to
prison
, which is
only
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the only
show examples
 punishment for a
crime
 already committed,
education
 takes steps to prevent
crimes
 from happening
Education
 focuses on showing the right way to people through which they
also
 become aware of the repercussions of criminal behaviour.
For instance
, a hardened criminal who went to
prison
 for years,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will come back to society and committed a new
crime
, therefor
education
 could be
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 start for someone who has done lots of
crimes
.
this
education
 needs to be an obligatory rule before they are allowed for entering to society,
also
education
 takes
first
 place in
fight
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the fight
show examples
 against
crime
, criminal records shows that guilty peoples who spend time for
education
instead
 of staying in
prison
, they are more likely to behave in consciously ways. Governments must pay lots of money for managing
crime
 whether serious
crimes
 or petty one
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and they are paying for prisoners and other fees of
prison
 every year, while
education
 cost less,
also
 police officer
instead
 of spending time to investigate the story behind a
crime
, they have time to consider
safety
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the safety
show examples
 of societies.
Furthermore
, through
this
education
 government should
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
be teaching
show examples
 offenders the
beneficials
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 skills and
then
, as potential
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 they will be available for
Add an article
the vacancy
a vacancy
show examples
vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
show examples
 in communities. In conclusion, I fully agree with
this
 statement that one practical solution
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
crimes
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
. Within
education
Add a comma
,education
show examples
 they very soon come to regret their actions and takes
first
 steps toward rehabilitation.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
education
 is
more
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a more
show examples
 reasonable decision for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it is
less
Add an article
a less
show examples
 expensive choice and it could
be make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
 for them.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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