IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison but many believe education is a better method to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#behaviour #prison #education #method
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Many people believe that anybody who is guilty of
Use synonyms
crime
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a crime
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 must go to
prison
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 as a punishment, while others think
education
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 is a better approach to discourage them from criminal behaviour. I entirely agree with the
second
Linking Words
 opinion, and I think
education
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 is
far
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a far
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 more effective tool when dealing with anybody who breaks the rules and comes into conflict with the law. In comparison to
prison
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, which is
only
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the only
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 punishment for a
crime
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 already committed,
education
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 takes steps to prevent
crimes
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 from happening
Education
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 focuses on showing the right way to people through which they
also
Linking Words
 become aware of the repercussions of criminal behaviour.
For instance
Linking Words
, a hardened criminal who went to
prison
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 for years,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will come back to society and committed a new
crime
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, therefor
education
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 could be
new
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a new
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 start for someone who has done lots of
crimes
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.
this
Linking Words
education
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 needs to be an obligatory rule before they are allowed for entering to society,
also
Linking Words
education
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 takes
first
Linking Words
 place in
fight
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the fight
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 against
crime
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, criminal records shows that guilty peoples who spend time for
education
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instead
Linking Words
 of staying in
prison
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, they are more likely to behave in consciously ways. Governments must pay lots of money for managing
crime
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 whether serious
crimes
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 or petty one
,
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apply
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 and they are paying for prisoners and other fees of
prison
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 every year, while
education
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 cost less,
also
Linking Words
 police officer
instead
Linking Words
 of spending time to investigate the story behind a
crime
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, they have time to consider
safety
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the safety
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 of societies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, through
this
Linking Words
education
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 government should
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
be teaching
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 offenders the
beneficials
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 skills and
then
Linking Words
, as potential
worker
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workers
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 they will be available for
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the vacancy
a vacancy
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vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
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 in communities. In conclusion, I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement that one practical solution
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
. Within
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
,education
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 they very soon come to regret their actions and takes
first
Linking Words
 steps toward rehabilitation.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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education
Use synonyms
 is
more
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a more
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 reasonable decision for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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,
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apply
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since it is
less
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a less
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 expensive choice and it could
be make
Change the verb form
make
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profit
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a profit
show examples
 for them.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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