IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in he police force . Do u agree or disagree ?

#people #women #work #police #force
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Some People argue that if
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 behave badly,their father should accept responsibility and be punished for the behaviour of their
children
 Do you
agree
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Agree
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 or Disagree? Some people argued that for
misbehaviour
Add an article
the misbehaviour
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 of
children
,
parents
 should be held
accontable
Correct your spelling
accountable
 and give strict punishment.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 statement because it will create fear of getting
punsihed
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punished
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 and directly
Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the
children
 psychological and developmental growth.
First
 of all,
parents
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full credit for their
child
 misbehaviour.They learn
this
 not only from the family
back round
Correct your spelling
background
show examples
 but
also
 from external influences
such
 as schools,peers,friends.Blaming
parents
 can create more pressure on
parents
 and can put them to force more restrictions on
Add an article
the child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
This
 can lead to
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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 impact on
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
,
thus
 will create
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of freedom which is very necessary at
this
 stage of life.
Furthermore
,some
children
 are more
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 and stubborn in nature and it is very difficult to control them.
This
 attitude is impossible for
parents
 to control
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Add an article
a
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certain
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 and
parents
 give up teaching them.
Children
 are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 age that they don`t really understand the mistakes and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consequences and tend to repeat
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
Correct your spelling
without
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with out
Correct your spelling
without
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 any intention.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
parents
 play a pivotal role in educating discipline starting from home and making sure of
children
 well being and development in a positive
enviorenment
Correct your spelling
environment
. To summarise,
parents
has
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have
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 to be role model for their kids and teach them
instead
 of punishing them for errors which they make.
Submitted by teashop on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
What to do next:
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