People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption

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Sugary

drinks

Use synonyms

are

addicted

Replace the word

addictive

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for many

people

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and they are not capable to stop drinking

that

Correct pronoun usage

them

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over and over. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss causes

people

Use synonyms

can be addicted to soft

drinks

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and

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

people

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decrease

consumption

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of those

beverages

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. Chief among the causes of

this

Linking Words

problem is the modern lifestyle.

Beverage

Fix the agreement mistake

Beverages

show examples

with added sugar

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

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soda, cola, and energy

drinks

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, are very tempting for

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation. Especially

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children and

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

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are easily attracted because all soft

drinks

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ads are everywhere, easy to find in every

convention

Replace the word

convenience

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store and the flavour of

beverages

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are various and sweet.

However

Linking Words

, they do not conceive enough about its effects. The risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic diseases are

further

Linking Words

instance

Fix the agreement mistake

instances

show examples

if we consuming more those

beverages

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. In order to reduce the

consumption

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of soft

drinks

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, I believe we must

first

Linking Words

address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing

this

Linking Words

would be

start

Fix the infinitive

to start

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with gaining awareness ourselves. Admittedly, we could not afford to

limited

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limit

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the distribution of cola,

however

Linking Words

, we can increase the

consumption

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those

Change preposition

of those

show examples

beverages

Use synonyms

with replace them with

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

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juice or limited the

consumption

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the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

drinks

Use synonyms

only

Change preposition

to only

show examples

Correct your spelling

once

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one

Correct your spelling

once

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a month or even less. On

further

Linking Words

measure would be to promote

healthier

Add an article

a healthier

show examples

lifestyle in ads and encourage our relatives for more aware of healthiness. In reality,

this

Linking Words

problem is unlikely to be resolved in short term.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, we can keep going to have

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

body and I believe most

people

Use synonyms

will conceive about healthiness sooner.

Submitted by firdarasyi96 on Thu Aug 12 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Both government and individual are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A section of the society holds the belief that content telecasted by various channels offers no actual benetits for the younger audiences.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?