IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The online sales for retail sector in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

#sales #sector #zealand
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The given pie chart
display
Change the verb form
displays
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 the online
sales
Use synonyms
 for
retail
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the retail
a retail
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 community in New Zealand over a period of 10 years. overall we can see that the
sales
Use synonyms
 of travelling and clothes are drop in the future.
Further
Linking Words
 giving
boost
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a boost
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 to the sells of films/music and books in a good manner. In 2003 the
sales
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 for travelling is in majority at the figure of over 36% but we can see a fall of 7% in the
sales
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 of travel over a times
spam
Correct your spelling
span
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 of 10 years in 2013.whereas, the demand for online clothes was
also
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 majority which
contain
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contains
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 almost
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
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 of the total
sales
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 whereas getting
increase
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an increase
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 in the time period the
sales
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 for cloth
also
Linking Words
 getting decreased to 8% which mean in 2013 it occupies a total sale of 16%. In comparison, to the film/music which is at a figure of 27% in 2003 gets A great rise to 33% by 2013 which is
also
Linking Words
 the majority online sale of that Year.
Although
Linking Words
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 in books
also
Linking Words
gets
Change the verb form
get
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 a little rise from 19 % to 22% from 2003 to 2013.So, that the only sells for book and cinemas may See
Linking Words
further
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a further
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 rise in the upcoming Years. Whereas there are many chances to see of fall in the Online sells for travel and clothes.
Submitted by a.sanchit17 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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