IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #effects #child
Visual entertainment is becoming an integral part of everyone's life. It is often thought that spending more screen time is advantageous for adolescent children.
However
, others believe that
such
 a medium is causing a bad effect. In
this
 essay , I will discuss the reason for their views and explain why I feel it to be a negative trend. Certain features of technology-driven gadgets are important to be known to the
next
 generation. As the future is going to be technology-driven, and everyone spends their leisure period with these gadgets, it is expected from a child to be aware of, in terms of how to use it? TCS,
for instance
, developing new games which will teach Mathathematics to school students in the form of games.
Therefore
, these games are developing interest in them for study. Admittedly, spending too many hours on these gadgets will have negative effects. The main one is in terms of health. A human being develops most of its body cells in its young stage, and exposure to screen for more than a specified hour can have a deteriorating effect on the eyes and
also
 cause obesity. In an Oxford study,
Although
 the average screen time for the age group of 8 to 18 years is 5 hours, most people spend more than that.
In addition
, body movements are
also
 limited which causes obesity at the early stage of their life. In my view,
although
, it is important to be aware of new technology, it is causing a bad effect on health. So, it should be practice to limit the time spent by the young age group. In conclusion, most people spend their duration in front of technology-driven apparatus. Even though it may have a benefit for the future of the young generation,
this
 can cause more problems in terms of health.
Submitted by ravi.jecrc.me on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: