IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. How far do you agree? What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sums #money #proportion #importance #work #criteria
Nowadays it is argued that some
workers
 like doctors and policemen are less valued than expected and for
this
 reason, they received a poor
salary
 for what they do,
on the contrary
, others earn huge sums of money for doing work with relative importance. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
Correct your spelling
criteria
criterias
Correct article usage
the criterias
show examples
 needed for judging the
salary
 of
people
 and
then
 I will explain why I strongly disagree with the statement.
Firstly
, I believe that one of the main aspects for deciding how much
people
 are paid is the future income that the
workers
 will assure,
for example
, a famous actor will earn a large quantity of money due to the fact that
people
 and fans will pay for watching that film and all the organisation will earn.
Moreover
, company bosses could improve the business of the company and maybe they will increase the profit.
Although
 the
salary
 depends
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the role of
workers
,
people
 said that some kinds of job must be more reward in light of the fact that they work for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
social and moral aspects behind
this
 role, in fact, doctors are paid several timeless than famous actor even if
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
 could save human life. In conclusion, I think that the main aspect for judging the
salary
 of
workers
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the future revenue that
people
 will assure to the company which paid their earning because there will be a profit,
by contrast
,
workers
 who cover a social aspect in society, should be paid more than their present
salary
 because from that kind of person
depend
Add the preposition
ondepend
show examples
 our health, security and education.
Submitted by edogiova01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: