IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas are the main source of many countries. However some nations are using alternative energy such as wind power and solar power. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend?

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In modern society, many nations are more likely to become reliant on fossil
fuel
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fuels
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while
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 there is a significant
trend
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 in using renewable resources in some countries
such
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 as wind
power
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 and solar
power
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. Personally, I suppose that
this
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 development has both benefits and drawbacks. First and foremost, there is no doubt that the dominance of using alternative
energy
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would
Wrong verb form
will
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 increase in the future and become a positive
trend
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. That could be explained by the fact that, in current days, fossil fuels
such
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 as coal, oil and natural gas have a devastating effect on the environment. The public burns fossil fuels as a main source and releases exhaust emissions into the natural habit, which takes its toll on air pollution.
According to
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 a recent survey conducted in 2019 by Cambridge University, the amount of carbon dioxide discharged accounted for 62% in comparison to 49% in 2018.
Hence
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, using environmentally friendly resources is one of the most effective ways to alleviate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental problems and improve the quality of the atmosphere.
By contrast
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, alternative
energy
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such
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 as nuclear
power
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 or solar
energy
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 is only incredibly suitable for the developed countries where they have a healthy economy. It is understandable that wind
power
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as well as
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 solar
energy
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 are more exorbitant than other natural resources.
Furthermore
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, if the developing nations
also
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 participate in the
power
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 race,
this
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 adverse
trend
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 will have a negative impact on their budget as they cannot afford to utilize these powers in the long term.
Consequently
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, the government
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was forces
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forces
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forced
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 to impose a tax levy on some items to compensate for other revenues, which could lead the community to fall into poverty. In conclusion,
although
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 using unlimited sources would seem to be a positive or negative
trend
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, I believe
this
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 development will gain in popularity in the future. I predict that the national politicians and authorities will come up with some approaches to reduce production expenses and ensure supply for all members
in
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of
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 society.

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task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed with clear examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of your argument by using more cohesive devices to connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with vocabulary; some phrases could be more precise. For example, use 'economic burden' instead of 'adverse trend' when discussing financial implications.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both benefits and drawbacks of using renewable energy sources.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main argument.
task achievement
Good use of statistical evidence to support your claims about pollution levels.
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