IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption
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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over whether more sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 are being consumed by people.
This
Linking Words
 essay is devoted to underlying roots, followed by some equivalent effective solutions to
this
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 dire problem. Without a shadow of a doubt, in
this
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 day and age, citizens tend to take advantage of sugar and caffeine-based
drinks
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.
This
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 happens because of those
drinks
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 influences, drinking sugar and caffeine
drinks
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 can make residents addicted to them.
For instance
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,
red bull
Correct your spelling
Red Bull
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 can be cited as a compelling example, people
such
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 as students have a tendency to drink it in order to feel more energetic and have more to cram into knowledge before some important examinations.
As a consequence
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, overuse of those kinds of
drinks
Use synonyms
 can have harmful impacts on physical health. To prevent
this
Linking Words
 serious issue, there are numerous solutions have been put forward.
However
Linking Words
 one of the most effective methods is probably imposing tax. Taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sugar and caffeine-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 should be increased when buying those. Another solution is that there should be more promotion on
broadcast
Fix the agreement mistake
broadcasts
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 about the negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 of sugar-based
drinks
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. In conclusion, there are various undesirable impacts of sugar-based
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
. To stop
this
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, numerous actions people can do to avoid it.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure your essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the task. This includes developing clear arguments for each question asked, incorporating more specific and varied examples to support your points, and ensuring your response is complete and fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by improving the logical flow of your essay. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. Also, try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences within paragraphs are well-connected and contribute to the development of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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